[Your Cyber Persona] Google.org uses Google powers for good instead of evil
November 12th, 2008 by KQIn its unyielding quest to control every miniscule tidbit of information that could ever possibly be produced by or for the human mind, Google – through its philanthropic arm, Google.org – has stepped into predicting the future. Yes, your future.
More specifically, Google Flu Trends plans to tell you when you’re going to get the flu a good week or two in advance. And there’s an interactive map! (Are you surprised?)
Presumably, this will help you to get that big project done and turned in to your professor early before the big flu hits, or – more realistically – to plan your excuses and procrastination around the most likely time to pull off the “everyone in my apartment is sick in bed, so I can’t possibly make it to that 8 a.m. lecture” line. Google, however, insists this will help voo-doo masters called “doctors” prevent flu epidemics and flu sufferers to take extra precautions during high-risk periods.
Sadly, it’s a U.S.-only function at the moment – which is mildly surprising given that flu strains have been found to begin in Asia before moving across Europe and the U.S., much like a tropical storm will scrimmage in Cuba or Puerto Rico before Game Day in the Gulf Coast. But, I’m sure that Google will soon realize that all things interesting in the world lately – the Olympics, the milk scare, that t-shirt you’re wearing – are coming from Asia, and I’m confident it will make its way overseas. At that point, it’ll become the hubbub of internet cafés, where they’ll call it “Google Fah-roo Tends” and wonder why it’s not part of MySpace.
And for those Paranoids Pleading for Privacy Policy Particulars, Google has this to say:
At Google, we are keenly aware of the trust our users place in us, and of our responsibility to protect their privacy. Google Flu Trends can never be used to identify individual users […]. We rely on millions of search queries issued to Google over time, and the patterns we observe in the data are only meaningful across large populations of Google search users.
Translation: “You are not that that important to the almighty Google.”
In fact, Google has had your interests in mind all along: “Google Flu Trends weeks begin on Sunday and end on Saturday, just like your calendar!” Lucky me!
If only Google.org could predict which STIs your next random hookup will have — now that would be technology we could believe in.
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