[The Column] A cup of Ball State musical cheer
December 11th, 2008 by Dave StudinskiThe following isn’t a paid advertisement. Reader discretion is advised.
[Fade from black. Cue music.]
Aside from a cup of cheer, nothing gets you in the seasonal-celebration-of-your-choice mood better than a lovely collection of holiday music. And whether it’s for a fireside study session or a sleigh ride through Minnetrista, this year you can bring home the melodic joy of the season to play time and time again.
That’s right! Bewildered Society studios is proud to introduce a two-disc set of memorable holiday tunes with lyrics specifically and semi-masterfully crafted for the Ball State University caroler! You and your entire friendship circle can enjoy these great tunes now, and until you find something else to read. This limited time offer is not available in stores, online or anywhere outside this satirical column. That’s all the more reason why you should sit back, relax and take some time to relieve yourself of impending Finals Week doom!
[The full column below the fold.]
Let’s begin our holiday journey with a MITS trip down Wheeling Avenue in this memorable “Silver Bells” rendition.
City sidewalks, icy blacktops
Dressed without salt or sand
In the air
There’s a feeling
Of recession.
SUVS smashing
‘cuz they were passing
Sliding time after time
And on every crash corner you’ll hear …
[Chorus] Mayor said, Mayor said
It’s cutback time in the city
Snow-and-ice, it’s not nice
Soon there will be hell to pay
Hear the cars crash
As I fall on my … back
This is Muncie’s sad scene
And above all this politick
You’ll hear
[Repeat chorus]
Mmmm! How great. I’m still sore from that fall! [Laughter] Wow, it’s such a great time of year. This season always makes me think about spending times with the ones I hold so dear to my heart – and those I absolutely do not! Why, that reminds me of this children’s favorite with the legendary sound of “Jingle Bells.”
Dashing through Bracken
With one of my classmates
O’er books we’re crackin’
Cussing all the way (F—!,S—!, D—!)
This team is one to hate
I think we’re going to fight
What fun it is to stay up late
And I’ll do it again tonight!
Oh, group projects, group projects
Screw it all to hell
Oh, what fun it is to lead
In a class where Prof. can’t tell
Hallelujah! Yes – nothing is more enjoyable in the midst of a dreary December than studying hours on end for an exam worth an outrageous percentage of your overall grade! You could study at home, but your obnoxious friends are next door boozing the night away. Remember these timeless moments? I sure do! And that’s why you need a copy of this hit interpretation of “Silent Night!”
Silent Night, finals night
quiet hours, ignored, all right
‘Round the textbooks our minds slowly rot
While our neighbors shout, ‘Who wants a shot?’
This class is really ha-ard.
F this, let’s hit the bars.
Eggnog and SoCo 100 – what a time-honored holiday tradition. If you’re enjoying these classics, be sure to log on to BewilderedSociety.com and see the ones we couldn’t print! Next: Who doesn’t love this 2008 sports classic to the tune of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” written with the help of friend and fellow Daily News columnist Will O’Hargan!
Brady the 13-1 coach, [it'll happen]
had a season, quite a jewel
and an impressive offer
to coach for another school (not from Jo Ann!)
Some B-S-U officials
wouldn’t pay to keep him here
So if you ask alumni
TC’s head is in his rear (like George W.!)
Then one foggy GMAC eve
Syracuse came to say:
‘Brady with your skills so dear
won’t you coach our team next year?’
Then all the Orangemen loved him
And they shouted out with glee
Brady the 13-1 football coach
You’ll get us to mediocrity!
You’ll get us to mediocrity! (Like Adlai Stevenson!)
Oh, Ho-Ho-Ho! What a beautiful tune! The glorious memories of the season can be forever yours with this two-disc set. Finally, let’s not forget everyone’s favorite, “Gora, Gora, Gora” to the tune of “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel.”
“Oh, Gora, Gora, Gora // I made it out of clay.”
… I forgot to finish that one. Next year?
[As originally run in The Ball State Daily News |BEWILDERED SOCIETY: Seasonal cheer produced by unlikely songs]
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