[The Top Ten] Movie trailers that actually suck
August 23rd, 2009 by Will O'HarganWith Avatar Day hitting movie theaters and the trailer debuting on the internet and in front of Inglourious Basterds, reaction so far has been mixed with some saying the trailer is fantastic, while others have pointed out similarities to Delgo and Battle For Terra, two of the biggest flops of all time.
While it is not the amazing, blow you out of your seats trailer that one had hoped for, it didn’t suck, despite what half of those who responded to this poll said. It is a bit underwhelming, but it wasn’t a bad trailer. Here are ten trailers for upcoming films that ARE bad.
10. Armored, Sony, December 4
This isn’t a bad trailer, really. It’s a so-so trailer for what I’m sure will be a so-so movie. It suffers the problem a lot of trailers on this list will have: too much of the plot in the trailer. At least with this one you feel there might be a twist or two left to discover in the theater.
9. The Blind Side, WB, November 20
Sandra Bullock has been all over the cinema this year, with The Proposal and All About Steve. But now she’s starring in a sports melodrama about a poor black kid who goes into a rich white school and struggles until he befriends a small boy and they work together to get him out of the slump. Haven’t figured out where Sandra Bullock fits into all this? Well, she’s the boy’s mom. The book may be based on a true story, but the insertion of Bullock, still a recognizable face, into a cast of unknowns in a role that is not the lead (at least not the lead we want) and it takes you out of the trailer and the movie. Sadly, it suggests the movie will focus on Bullocks reactions to the events, rather than the ‘brothership’ of the two boys, which is likely where the movie will be at it’s best.
8. Gamer, Lionsgate, September 4
Part off the problem was this trailer is the concept of the film. That being said, it doesn’t do nearly enough to distance itself from Marathon Man or last year’s Death Race. In fact, it looks to be an almost character for character lift of Death Race with the trailer focusing on all the same themes that appeared in the 2008 movie. Compound that with Gerald Butler playing the same role he always plays and Michael C. Hall’s horrible southern accent and you’ve got a recipe for a not-so-good trailer.
7. Did You Hear About the Morgans?, Paramount, December 11
Where does this trailer go wrong? The cliché music? The tired gags. The brushed through setup? The we-already-know-how-this-is-going-to-end plot progression? The worlds first example of a Sarah Palin joke that isn’t funny? Using a recurring horse subplot when your female romantic lead is Sarah Jessica Parker? It’s hard to say, really, though I think the trailer really fell of the deep end with the line ‘black hole’.
6. Youth in Revolt, Weinstein, October 30
It’s not just that Michael Cera’s schtick is getting a bit–tired… well, it’s partly that, but notice how this trailer manages to show you exactly what it’s about without giving you any idea what you’re in store for. There’s one solid laugh (the nudity solidarity line) and the rest of the preview seems to be a promo for non-existent nudity. If the stakes ever get raised to an absurd level in the trailer, this should set off warning signs. More so if, like this, it’s not entertaining.
5. Astro Boy, Summit, October 23
Where to start? Let’s start with the failure to present a tired story idea with any uniqueness whatsoever. Compound that with obvious dialogue and emotionless voice reading and you have box office poison. Did they even have Donald Sutherland act for his role, or is he just reading stuff for the first time? He sounds so bored. I guess I would be too, if the movie I was working on looked this bad. Nic Cage makes his voice work in G-Force look thespian. And what’s the point in casting Kristin Bell if you can’t see her? It ends on a butt joke, which is nice because I imagine it being at the butt of more than a few itself.
4. A Christmas Carol, Disney, November 6
A lot of the talk about the Avatar trailer is about the uncanny valley, which was one of the challenges James Cameron had to address while making the film. The uncanny valley is a theory that, when characters look too lifelike without being lifelike, they look really really creepy. This is why the human characters in The Incredibles and Up look so stylized. What happens when your movie ends up in the uncanny valley? Well, take a look at this trailer which looks better than The Polar Express, but they obviously went backwards from that film, opting for more stylization on the characters. Sadly, the whole trailer is not online yet, for some bizarre reason, so you can’t see the scene where Scrooge gets launched into space by the Ghost of Christmas Past (yes, really). You can, however, see that while the animation is better, there is still something creepy about these characters.
3. Love Happens, Universal, August 18
There are a few good signs that a trailer is going to be bad based on a quick watch. For example, if the entire plot line of the movie, including the third act, is in the trailer, then you might have a problem. More concerning, however, is when you have a major plot twist in the trailer. Remember how poorly received Terminator Salvation was? My speculation is that a major plot twist in the trailer harmed the films chance to connect with audiences. While Love Happens is the exact opposite of that movie, thematically, the trailer lets out a major plot twist (the kind that would take the audience–at least the audience of this film–by surprise). Furthermore, it shows the fallout from the plot twist, so you can save your $10 and not go see the movie at all, because you know how it’s going to end.
2. Amelia, Fox Searchlight. October 23.
Bad trailers aren’t just limited to kids movies and genre films, they can strike award contenders too. Take this historical drama that has Oscar bait written all over it–or did before the trailer hit. Hillary Swank as Amelia Earhart sounds like a decent fit until you see the trailer and realize that it’s actually horrible. Not only is this trailer dark and obvious (it’s one thing to have your characters state their motivation in a movie, but if you feel the need to in the trailer, you’re probably hammering it home a little bit), but Swank is taking the role so seriously that it just rings false. Amy Adams chipper, upbeat take on the aviator in Night at the Museum 2 seems more true to life than this version. Add Richard Gere and some really, really bad editing and the whole things looks like an amateur production. This is surprising, if only because Fox Searchlight usually puts out some of the best trailers around.
1. Old Dogs Disney. Thanksgiving.
Did you laugh once at this trailer? If so, then congratulations on managing to be below the lowest common denominator. Comedies regularly try to achieve three things in a trailer: introduce a humorous plot concept, introduce likeable, humorous characters and make you laugh. To say Old Dogs‘ trailer fails on all three accounts is a vast understatement. This trailer is where laughter goes to die. You are given no reason to root for the main characters, except for the fact that the people they are against seem to be bigger jerks than they are. Plus, what did Seth Green ever do to anyone to deserve this kind of abuse? And since when is ‘from the director of Wild Hogs a good thing? This is the that will follow “Ow My Balls!” at the drive-in.
“Nic Cage makes his voice work in G-Force look thespian.”
For a truly bad voice job from Nicolas Cage, I recommend (word used loosely) that animated version of “A Christmas Carol” from some years back.
“And what’s the point in casting Kristin Bell if you can’t see her?”
That didn’t stop the producers of “Gossip Girl.” And you could say that about every beautiful, appealing actress who’s done voice-only work.
Cindylover1969
August 25th, 2009