The tool is not exactly scientific, but it searches your tweets for cliché words used by and about homosexuals (albeit arguably “cliché”), then it rates your heterosexuality as a percentage. But does it include cheeky commentary about your results and a list of words that earned you the label? Check!

It turns out, @bewilderedsoc is 73% hetero! (Well, as a boy, that is — as a girl, it’s only 45% hetero, whew!) According to some in-depth research at AfterEllen.com, that makes us about 10% less hetero than Lindsay Lohan and 61% more hetero than FoxNews. Click the image to read in full detail.

So, what’s the verdict? Are you more or less hetero than @bewilderedsoc?

Oprah’s on Twitter? Old news (sorta).

But according to this TechCrunch article, the real question happens to be: Is YOUR Twitter account old news?

In the digital world, early adoption = credibility, and no matter how much shiny stuff you collect in an internet gold rush, it doesn’t mean a thing unless you were a ‘49er (or, a ‘48er, if you catch it during beta testing).

So get your interweb cred at www.herebeforeophah.com — if you’re cool enough, that is.

Thanks, MSNBC.

Read the story here, if you’re at all interested.

I know the checklist that’s going through your head right now: Sad? Sure. Disappointing? Obviously. A little puke-in-the-mouth inducing? That’s a given. Glad they’re British and not American? Of course.

But creepy? In the world today – which was hand-crafted by Madonna and Michael Jackson – it’s hardly as creepy as those Friday the 13^th movies (irony noted) or the first time you saw The Blair Witch Project (it’s been enough time, now, so you can admit that you felt a chill when you saw the girl with her nose in the corner in that haunted dungeon thing).

Yeah, I know, it seems like a sad-but-not-creepy story … until you SEE the kid!

[photo: Lee Thompson, via The Sun]

Click here for full coverage — and more disturbing pictures.

He doesn’t look old enough to have functioning reproductive organs, let alone a living, breathing, pooping offspring! If he were Chinese, he’d be told he was too young for the gymnastics team! And at 4’ tall, he certainly was not tall enough to ride her ride! Okay, I’m done.

Anyway, both the boy and his father (grand-baby-daddy) are using the defense that it was his first time and he – legitimately – didn’t really understand where babies came from. And the new parents have promised to “be good” and take care of their daughter, which is nice since if they didn’t they’d probably be grounded … actually, as young as he looks, it might just be a time-out.

Sarah Palin and the anti-(sex-)education/pro-life crazies: 1

Rational humans: 0

If you’re smart, you’ll call in gay and celebrate International Human Rights Day on Dec. 10 by supporting your friendly local queers! 

Also, further evidence we should all support homosexuals and their rights — purely for our own entertainment — is the fact that gays write better FAQ than straights. Some gems:

 

Will this get me on Oprah?

If it will get you to help out, then…yes…you’ll be on Oprah, Honey.

 

and

 

Are you implying that “gay” is equivolent [sic] to “sick?”

Whoa! NO! It’s just that “gay” rhymes with “day” so it was a cute and clever way to get you involved. HAHA! Now you’re hooked! You’re beautiful, very not sick, and super wonderful. Help us spread service however you feel comfortable, SWEET THING!

 

Can’t you just picture the dude writing this? Yes, it’s gotta be a dude. Good cause; good times.

*Bonus: It’s a work holiday here in Thailand, so I’m automatically participating! Join me!

You decide:

“The python tried to swallow the alligator whole and then exploded.” [via BBC, Photo via AP]

Best. Caption. Ever.

Click here for complete coverage — but, unfortunately, no additional pictures.

More specifically, Google Flu Trends plans to tell you when you’re going to get the flu a good week or two in advance. And there’s an interactive map! (Are you surprised?)

Presumably, this will help you to get that big project done and turned in to your professor early before the big flu hits, or – more realistically – to plan your excuses and procrastination around the most likely time to pull off the “everyone in my apartment is sick in bed, so I can’t possibly make it to that 8 a.m. lecture” line. Google, however, insists this will help voo-doo masters called “doctors” prevent flu epidemics and flu sufferers to take extra precautions during high-risk periods. 

Sadly, it’s a U.S.-only function at the moment – which is mildly surprising given that flu strains have been found to begin in Asia before moving across Europe and the U.S., much like a tropical storm will scrimmage in Cuba or Puerto Rico before Game Day in the Gulf Coast. But, I’m sure that Google will soon realize that all things interesting in the world lately – the Olympics, the milk scare, that t-shirt you’re wearing – are coming from Asia, and I’m confident it will make its way overseas. At that point, it’ll become the hubbub of internet cafés, where they’ll call it “Google Fah-roo Tends” and wonder why it’s not part of MySpace. 

And for those Paranoids Pleading for Privacy Policy Particulars, Google has this to say: 

At Google, we are keenly aware of the trust our users place in us, and of our responsibility to protect their privacy. Google Flu Trends can never be used to identify individual users […]. We rely on millions of search queries issued to Google over time, and the patterns we observe in the data are only meaningful across large populations of Google search users.

Translation: “You are not that that important to the almighty Google.”

In fact, Google has had your interests in mind all along: “Google Flu Trends weeks begin on Sunday and end on Saturday, just like your calendar!” Lucky me!

If only Google.org could predict which STIs your next random hookup will have — now that would be technology we could believe in.