For his part, David Letterman said before the top ten list that he didn’t even know Palin was going to be in town and issued an apology, stating that the joke was about Bristol, not Willow Palin. Furthermore, he reminds people that he’s a comic and he doesn’t always have the best taste.

But the real story here is John Ziegler who makes a complete ass of himself on live television because he disagrees with people. This is the problem with debate in the country, and is really a microcosm for all the problems with the Republican Party at the moment. Brewer shows herself to be open and willing to talk with him about the actual content of the interview, and tries to ask some questions. Ziegler responds by insulting her, her network, the media in general and basically does everything but answer the questions he’s asked. Rather than sit down and have a conversation as to why David Letterman would make such a joke and why Sarah Palin would call attention to it by actually responding to it, he proceeds to accuse NBC and CBS of–basically–being in a liberal conspiracy. What Ziegler must realize is that NBC would never do anything to give favors to David Letterman. The late night ratings battle is one of the most long lasting feuds on television. And Letterman may have the upper hand again.

But even Sarah Palin’s bizarre reaction to being made fun of by Letterman can’t compare to Rush Limbaugh’s reaction Brewer letting Ziegler trash her network for four minutes on the air. Now that’s funny.

This one comes from “A Muppet Family Christmas” and features the Muppets singing not one, not two, but 12 Christmas carols (The Count, who starts things out, should have a field day). Be sure to watch to the end for a special cameo from Jim Henson himself.

10. “Only team in college ball to use kangaroo as long snapper”

9. “I coached the second half of the Toledo game wearing only a headset and underpants”

8. “When O.J. Simpson and some goons showed up and tried to steal our equipment”

7. “Our players met athletes from around the world when Muncie hosted this year’s summer Olympics”

6. “Defeating the Detroit Lions”

5. “The loss to Buffalo because it taught us humility and resiliency…I’m kidding, it totally blew”

4. “The post-game locker room grabass”

3. “Beat Eastern Michigan, Central Michigan, Western Michigan, Southern Michigan, Southwestern Michigan and Mexican Michigan”

2. “None of our players shot themselves in the leg”

1. “The drunk 3 a.m. coaching tips from Letterman”

BONUS: A message from President-Elect Barack Obama
DOUBLE BONUS: The Top Ten New Revelations About Sarah Palin

Of course, one of the best writers of those speeches (and in no way related to Field of Dreams is Aaron Sorkin. Most of our readers are probably aware of the man-crush (or regular crush) we have on Aaron Sorkin. His writing is some of our favorite, and, at it’s best, what every writer should aspire to write like. It is witty, powerful, and has a point. Sorkin understood the way people talked and hired actors who could talk in the way they wrote. While people have criticized him for putting his voice into every character, he does subtly change the way each character speaks. And, while I personally think his best work is in one-liners and exchanges that end with a simple “kay”, there’s no denying that he’s a pretty amazing speech writer in his own right. So much so that pundits for Obama have repeatedly compared his speeches to Sorkin’s writing, or using the phrase Sorkin-esque. Obama even told Sorkin he plans on stealing a lot of his lines, which Sorkin enjoyed. (See No. 1 for more on the Obama-Sorkin connection).

So, I present to you the ten best Aaron Sorkin speeches. I have left out speeches he clearly wrote for Bulworth and other movies where he served as an uncredited script doctor, and left only those written by the man himself.

10. “Break’s over.” – The West Wing

The first part of this speech is missing. Among that which is cut is “My youngest grand daughter Annie gave me this newspaper clipping. Seems these theologians down in South America were very excited because this little girl from Chile had sliced open a tomato, and the inside flesh of this tomato had actually formed a perfect Rosary. The theologians commented that they thought this was a very impressive girl. Annie commented that she thought it was a very impressive tomato” and then includes the set up for the punch that he had–recaping the story point that Cubans had come to the US and are seeking asylum. It is among my favorite speeches in the West Wing, and was the point I knew I was going to love this show. The ending to the pilot is only No. 10 on this list, which means that there’s still some great Sorkin to come.

9. “I am God” – Malice
Alec Baldwin is no Martin Sheen. While a good actor, he is nowhere near some of the actors on this list. However, this is a well written and good-if not awkwardly-delivered speech from Sorkin’s second and worst received film. In the hands of someone who knew how to read Sorkin it might have been even better, but in Baldwin’s, it’s only so-so. If you want to see a good Baldwin speech, watch his one from Glengary Glen Ross

8. “You should vote for someone else.” – The West Wing “In the Shadow of Two Gunmen”
This is the speech that convinced Josh Lyman to stop working for Hoynes and start working for Bartlet. It’s hard to see why not. The Shadow of Two Gunmen is one of the best episodes as far as writing goes in the history of television, and this speech is just a small part of that. However, it’s a candidate giving an actual good reason to vote for him, which is something I’ve never heard. It’s not about policy, it’s about children. God, I wish more people in Washington talked like this.

7. “You’re my guys.” – The West Wing “War Games”
In another role reversal, the usually brash Toby makes a calm, cool, collected speech to his staff. Even Sam can’t help but say how unexpected it was. It isn’t one of those wow moments that sticks with you like some of the other speeches, but looking back at the Sorkin years, this is one of my favorites, because it works and doesn’t draw attention to itself.

6. “It’s not even good pornography!” – Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Sorkin’s best moment on Studio 60 was also his first. The opening 10 minutes of the program are some of the most dramatic, exciting, well written and well shot moments in television history. It’s a shame the show didn’t last longer, because we could have had more moments like this. However, it seems like Sorkin lost his anti-TV balls after the first episode, so maybe it wouldn’t have. Either way, this will be one of the best speeches in television history, and you don’t even hear all of it.

5. “I’d like to take a moment to review the several ways in which you’re a douche bag.” – Charlie Wilson’s War
This one is great because it’s angry, course, and it’s to an idiot. Sorkin always likes talking above somebodies head and going on long winded rants where some things are not relevant. He even throws in the ‘Never ever sick at sea’ line again, which works better here that it did in Malice (see No. 9). And, when you have an actor like Philip Seymour Hoffman reading your work, it’s hard for it not to be good. Really it’s two mini-speeches and a little in the middle, but it’s some of Sorkin’s best work.

4. “Because that’s what a man does.” – The West Wing “Let Bartlet Be Bartlet”
I think that it’s interesting that the top two speeches I chose from the West Wing are not only both not read by Martin Sheen, but that they are both John Spencer. Spencer is a great-fantastic actor-but he’s not the person you think of when you think speeches from the West Wing. You think of Bartlet, Sam Seaborn, Josh Lyman, and Toby before you get to Leo. And yet the two best speeches (the second is No. 2) are his. Maybe because he didn’t turn them into speeches. It didn’t feel like it was reading, lecturing, it felt real. This one is so good, he doesn’t need to say the punctuating point, he only has to write it.

3. “You can’t handle the truth!” – A Few Good Men
It doesn’t hurt when you have someone like Jack Nicholson reading your words to make it good. Probably Sorkin’s most famous speech, it falls at No. 3 on here because, while it’s not as great as the first two, it’s shows Sorkin’s ability to write a speech that he clearly does not agree with. It is, however, powerful and a little scary. And Nicholson totally sells it.

2. “Whole houses, clear off the ground.” – The West Wing “In the Shadow of Two Gunmen”
Everyone got speeches in the West Wing. Usually they’re for some policy, or quickly rebuked by another long winded speech. But sometimes they just make you sit back and watch. This speech isn’t for anything but having quality people in a Presidential race, but more than that it’s about the friendship between Leo and the future President. John Spencer delivers the lines in what is probably the finest delivery of any speech Sorkin has written. One tops this one due to length, importance, and sheer amazement, but if you’re looking for the best scene on this list, it’s right here.

1. “My name is Andrew Shepard, and I am the President.” – The American President
LA Weekly named it the best fake Presidential speech of all time. Bloggers have cited it’s influence on Obama here, here and here. Oh yeah, and Sorkin wrote a meeting between Jed Bartlet and Obama for Maureen Dowd (whom he may or may not be rolling in the rose garden with). This speech is the climax of the movie, where a President who has been pushed around all movie finally gets the balls to fight back and does so in a speech at a press conference. It works better in the movie than it would in real life, but this is clearly Sorkin’s best work, and he finishes it with a bang.

10. Bonnie Tyler – “Total Eclipse of the Heart”
Released in 1983, Total Eclipse is an example of everything that was wrong with the 80’s. Not even adding the f-bomb to singing this song can save it, and you can expect to hear it nearly every bar trip. While the song does have it’s place (Karaoke) this song is not good enough or interesting enough to still being played at bars. You don’t find Hall and Oats “Maneater” at bars anymore (and the Nelly Furtado version has thankfully died out), so why still play this relic?
Instead play: “Because the Night” by Patti Smith. A much better song that is still a power balled, but replaces the electronic keyboard and guy singing ‘turn around’ with rock and roll. It also features lyrics that are pretty much asexual that everyone knows the words too. It’s also been covered and popularized by artists as diverse as Bruce Springsteen and 10,000 Maniacs, so if you ever get tired of Patti’s version you can just switch it up.

9. Billy Joel – “Piano Man”
Popular obviously because the song takes place and talks about a bar, it’s really a depressing tale of alcoholism and being unable to maintain a life outside a bar, so they all come there, from the closeted gay couple (Paul and Davy) to the old man who wants to hear his song, to the waitresses who want to be politicians to the businessmen who wan the waitresses. Even the bartender isn’t content, as he wants to be in the movies. No one belongs in the place, not even the guy singing. But he’s the only one better than this place. Why would anyone want to hear this song when they are at a bar, doomed to become these people?
Instead play: “One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer” – George Thurogood Sure, this song isn’t more depressing, but it’s about the weird guy at the bar, it’s not about us. Plus, has there ever been a better song about the healing power of alcohol? “Alcohol” by the Barenaked Ladies or “Beer” by Reel Big Fish are also acceptable alternatives.

8. Bryan Adams – “Summer of ‘69″
Well, I wasn’t alive in 1969 and neither were you. This song takes everything that is bad about John Mellencamp (outside of the whole ‘Cougar’ thing, which has gotten worse with age) and streamlines it into one handy song. Which is great if you like audio torture but bad if you are choosing a song at the jukebox. What happened in the Summer of 1969? Hippies recorded “Give Peace a Chance”, Sharon Tate was murdered, the biggest hurricane in recorded history hit Mississippi and El Salvador invaded Honduras over a soccer game. Sure we landed on the moon and began to pull troops out of Vietnam, but does that make it song worthy? Maybe for someone with more talent than Bryan Adams.
Instead play: “Firecracker” by Ryan Adams A much better ode to summer from a much more talented musician.

7. Def Leppard – “Pour Some Sugar on Me”
This is a song about how people should either A. pour liquor all over each other or B. make out in public, neither of which are really acceptable at the bar. It doesn’t go “pour some sugar on me over in that dark corner where my beer goggles really kick in” after all. Inane lyrics and an annoying sound reinforce the fact that the only truly great thing that ever came out of Def Leppard was their behind the music.
Instead play: “Tom Sawyer” by Rush. Because if you’re going to go 80’s, why not go Rush? At least this song doesn’t sound exactly the same for four and a half minutes.

6. Eddie Money – “Take Me Home Tonight”
Sing this song, and it’s a good bet no one will. This song is about wanting to get some. While that’s what 99% of all songs are about, at least they usually try and cover it up. This song is about fucking you until you run out of juice and pass out. Does that really need to be a song? That we hear at least twice every night?
Instead play: “Love Shack” by the B-52s. Because then at least all the drunk assholes won’t sing along to it thinking it’s about something deep.

5. Kanye West – “Gold Digger”
A decent enough song when it came out, but he’s had singles since then, and I’m sure other rap songs have come out since then with a catchier chours than “get down girl, go ahead get down.” An example of a decent enough song (I mean, it had Jamie Foxx!) wearing out it’s welcome. Maybe in two years it will be come retro-cool again, but for now it’s just annoying.
Instead play: “Paper Planes” by M.I.A. or “I Got a Woman” by Ray Charles. One is the hot rap song of the moment, the other is the song it samples. Either are cooler than playing this stale jam.

4. Bon Jovi – “Livin’ on a Prayer”
No, your not. You’re at a bar. This song seems to brag about making rhymes we learned how to make when we were kids (there/prayer/swear) and is at a constant assault on the ears. Anyone who has heard this song should know why this song should never be played.
Instead play: “November Rain” by Guns n’ Roses. A song that builds up to it’s annoying loud levels allows for a few moments of conversation, and it does it over seven minutes. That’s making the most of your fifty cents.

3. AC/DC – “Thunderstruck”
AC/DC was never known for subtlety. THUNDER! But unless you’re playing the drinking game THUNDER! this song gets a little grating THUNDER! because it seems to last for ever THUNDER! and ever and THUNDER! ever. This song is like THUNDER! rubbing your THUNDER! face in sandpaper and THUNDER! can make THUNDER! conversation THUNDER! difficult. THUNDER!
Instead play: “It’s a Long Way to the Top (If You Want to Rock and Roll)” by AC/DC. We don’t want to hear “You Shook Me” either.

2. Journey – “Don’t Stop Believin’”
Knowing all the words to a song is not an acceptable reason to play it. Yes, we all want to hear Don’t Stop Believin when we go to a bar, but we don’t want to hear it 14 times. Once is enough. So, once you play this song, please don’t play it again… or again… or 12 more times. That’s really overkill and ruins what could be a perfectly enjoyable bar song.
“Open Arms” by Journey. They have other songs, you know. At least we haven’t heard this song 15 times by 10pm.

1. Kid Rock – “All Summer Long”
Has there ever been a song where the popularity of the song has been so impossible to figure out? This song is unoriginal (as it samples not one–but two classic songs) and lyrics that were better when they were Bryan Adams “Summer of ‘69″, which isn’t exactly a great song on it’s own merit. Why is this song at the top of the list? Because it’s awful, so just one play is too many, but it gets five or six a night. Also, it opens with a sample of the opening of “Werewolves of London” by Warren Zevon. Every time it plays I think–or hope–it’s “Werewolves of London” and end up bitterly disappointed.
Instead play: “Werewolves of London” by Warren Zevon. Better to sing along to, if only because the chorus involved a werewolf howl, and a classic that never grows old. This song isn’t bad the first time or the 100th time. The same can not be said for Kid Rock. Plus, imagine the douchebag outrage when this song comes on and it’s not “All Summer Long.”

Also receiving votes: Don McLean – “American Pie”, Journey – “Wheel in the Sky”, Guns n’ Roses – “Sweet Child O’ Mine”, Garth Brooks – “Friends in Low Places”, Neil Diamond – “Sweet Caroline”, Lynard Skynard – “Sweet Home Alabama”, AC/DC – “You Shook Me All Night Long” The Eagles – “Hotel California”, O.A.R. – “Hey Girl”, Buckcherry – “Crazy Bitch”, Toby Keith – “I Love This Bar”, Van Morrison – “Brown Eyed Girl”, Semisonic – “Closing Time”, anything by Nickelback or Creed