It was about ten in the morning on some idle Saturday about three weeks ago. As usual, I was lying in my bed recovering from a week of school, attempting to gather the sleep I had long desired. It was still, quiet, and peaceful, just the way a Saturday morning sho…

<ding-dong>

"What in the…"

I stayed wrapped up in my comforter, waiting for one of my parents to answer it. My mother soon did.

Through the wall I heard talk that was anything but understandable. In fact, I don't think you could call it talk at all.

I was up-no ifs, ands, or buts. No more sleepy-time for this exhausted columnist. Now that I was out of hibernation, I figured I'd go shower and get dressed for the remainder of my day.

As I forced myself from the bed, I couldn't help but wonder, "Who in the heck could be knocking at my door?"

Whoever it was and whatever they wanted, I figured it must be important.

I took the trek from my room to my shower, about 10 feet away, but not without having to walk past the open stairwell first. Curious, I slowly passed the stairs, gawking (which is hard to do sans contacts) down below to my front door.

Yellow.

A lot of friggin' yellow.

No, no--I mean this woman, who I later found to be my newest neighbor, was wearing a bright yellow and blue windbreaker with a big yellow button, and (of course) was holding a big yellow clipboard.

Ten in the morning on a Saturday and I have people inside my house petitioning for signatures.

<censored> bless democracy.

Now, I'm not here to tell you which sides to pick.

Instead, I'll just hint.

Actually--allow me, if you will, to point out some of the "issues" I have with this whole ordeal, be it yellow or blue. Bottom line: be sure to take a close look at how we've lost sight of what really matters in this world.

Of course - when it comes to education, what else is new?

Education has long been a debated fact of politics, especially in this state. (No props to you, Mr. O'Bannon.) But now we've passed the point of no return.

C'mon--we're arguing like second graders over building new schools in the richest part of Allen County.

Oh-lets just forget the fact that we're on our way to war.

This country has enabled us the freedom to run around like small children in an attempt to gain support for our preference.

To put this to a more understandable level, it's similar to running around during elementary school and asking someone to give you their Fruit-by-the-Foot, in return for "being their best friend."

Let's look at this in a closer example:

Child one: "Hey, John?"

Child two: "Yeah?"

"Can I have your Betty Crocker Gusher's Fruit Snacks?"

"I dunno--my mommy packed these just for me…"

"Well, please?"

"Sorry, no."

"C'mon, just today? I'll be your friend."

<Becoming interested> "They are really good, and I'm still hungry."

"Please? I"ll be your best friend?"

<Increasingly more persuaded> "How about just one of them--the mystery flavors?"

"No. I want the whole thing! Gimme! Please! Now! I'll be your bestest friend!"

<Acting like a stock broker> "Hm, so you'll be my bestest friend if I give you this packet of Gushers?"

"Yeah."

"In the whole wide world?"

"Yeah, I'll be your bestest friend in the whole wide world!"

"Okay. Deal."

"Gimme!"

And that was abbreviated.

 

As you can see, these children will more than likely find themselves working at eTrade in the next 30 years.

Now, watch the similarities of these small brokers to the petitioners of 2003.

Petitioner: "Oh, hey, John!"

John: "Hey there, Paul."

"How are you on this fine Saturday evening?"

"As best as I could be at two in the morning…which reminds me, why are you here?"

"Well, tomorrow's the big deadline for the big petition drive! We're just making sure we get all of the signatures we need…"

"Oh, I see…"

"Yeah…"

<5-minute awkward pause, interrupted by a late night football game on ESPN>

P: "Hey, by the way--have you signed one yet?"

J: "Nope."

"Oh - by the way, thanks for letting my daughter spend the night with yours the other night."

<John's son perks up>

J: "Yeah, no problem, Mark."

P: "So…think you might sign it?"

"Mayb…TOUCHDOWN! WOOOOOOOOH!"

<Petitioner stands in awkward silence>

P: "Well, if you are, you should really sign this one. See how nifty the color is? Supposedly it makes people smile more."

J: "Why else should I sign it, Paul?"

P: "Well…It's going to allow us to build things, really neat things that will be better for all of us."

J: "Like that dog-garn GiaPlex?"

P: "No - even better!"

J: "Oh."

P: "Ya know, I need to have you over sometime. We'll catch a game or two, knock back a few… what do you say?"

J: "Heineken?"

P: "Of course…"

J: "Great…so about this petition…"

 

As you can see, the adults, once to the point, achieve their goals much quicker and by better forms of bribery.

Recent studies show teenagers and college students fall for similar bribes.

Regardless, that's what we, the general public, have been seeing on the outside of the gigantic marketing campaign. But aren't we the least bit curious to see what has been happening on the inside?

Let's look at the two sides: yellow and blue.

Of course, the American people are so blind to current issues that we have to color-code everything to get a point or message across. (Vote orange in '04!)

It is ironic to me that the colors happen to match that of this school's. Heaven forbid should we choose anything patriotic.

Then again, the desire for originality is asking way too much of the government.

It has been easy to notice the group with the most promotion--how could you miss them?

Team yellow has turned Southwest Allen County into a wannabe crayon box by placing obnoxious yellow signs in random places across the district. Team blue, on the other hand, has done nothing more than, well…what in the world have they done?

Nothing, really--I haven't even seen a blue petition; meanwhile, at least four or five yellow ones have crossed my path.

I'm not going to say much against the Team Smurf. Granted the whole "Southwest C.A.R.E.S." thing is a little bit of a stretch. I mean - for the love of recess, do we have to make EVEYRTHING into an acronym?

B.S. if you ask me.

Props to Team blue, though, for taking the less aggressive stance here, and letting people make up their own mind. Brownie points to them for not spreading thousands of dollars worth of propaganda across the already commercialized township, something in which their opponents have excelled.

Granted, in recent days the blue propaganda has started to surface, but it still has not come close to the excess of yellow stuff.

We're now a township covered, willingly or not, in yellow buttons, flyers, signs, clothes, and who knows what else.

Take a postcard my family received in the mail, for instance. Bright yellow and persuasively written, the card answers six basic questions in a "Q&A" style, such as question number one: "Children and teachers first?"

The last sentence in the paragraph concludes: "Teachers are supportive of the master plan for Southwest Schools."

Are they now?

Last I knew, some of these teachers lived out in Southwest Allen. As property owners, I know they have an opinion, and I'm sure there are a few of them who don't agree with "the master plan."

("Master plan"--did you notice how "Dr. Evil" that sounds?)

That's not enough, though.

Visit the SACS website to see an Adobe Acrobat file of the postcard I just mentioned, as well as the text below.

From another "Q&A" page: "Your Board of School Trustees believes it's irresponsible to spend money remodeling and enlarging buildings that are landlocked on relatively small sites."

<cough> Homestead… <cough>

It is inevitable, Aboite: We will eventually have to build another high school. This is a problem that even a "9th grade academy" can't fix. (Neglect the fact that it's a bad idea to begin with.)

As long as people are moving out here and building houses, and as long as the base of the education pyramid (elementary schools) keeps getting bigger, there will be a need for a new high school.

Sometime, somewhere, Homestead version 2.0 will be released, and once again all holy you-know-what will break loose again.

So, don't be surprised if Team yellow returns in another five years, asking you to support v2.0.

Perhaps it is something they should be looking at right now.

Nah--these buttons are just too nifty, and the yard signs really add a touch of elegance to any front lawn.

Keep an eye on your money, taxpayers. It is rather peculiar that these Team yellow postcards are paid for by "Friends of Southwest Allen County Schools," yet these friends' return address happens to be SACS administration office.

Oh - and it's the district's postage permit.

I'm not saying that there's a misuse of funds here, but everyone knows the money used for the signs, the banners, the posters, et cetera could be put to better use elsewhere.

You know? Like the whole reason we're in this to begin with?

A factor often forgotten in the political mess we call the public school system.

A factor more commonly known as the kids.